


The Lonely Soldier

by orphan_account



Series: Sailor Moon AU [3]
Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Alternate Universe - Sailor Moon, F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-08
Updated: 2014-10-08
Packaged: 2018-02-20 08:51:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2422655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Enjolras resolutely fights alone as Sailor Moon, wanting to give his friends a safe and normal life. He is aware that it will probably kill him one day, but that is a sacrifice he is willing to make.</p><p>Grantaire, however, has never been good at leaving Enjolras alone.</p><p>(Chronologically 3rd in my Sailor Moon AU, but was written to stand alone. No prior knowledge of Sailor Moon needed.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Lonely Soldier

Enjolras sighed wistfully to himself as he observed his once-friends enjoying lunch together under the large oak tree outside. He was happy that they had managed to come together despite not remembering. He just wished that he could join them.

Unfortunately, none of them remembered _him_.

It was really his own fault.

During the last battle against the Dark Kingdom, they had all come extremely close to dying. If it weren’t for Cosette and her guardians, the Shitennou, they probably _would_   have died. As it was, they had all collapsed from the energy they had all funneled into the Silver and Golden Crystals. And falling unconscious in the arctic would have killed them despite winning the battle.

Enjolras had been the last one awake, gazing with half-lidded eyes on the still glowing Silver Crystal. He had made a desperate wish that they all make it home safely to live normal lives, and somehow, the crystal’s power was enough to grant it.

They were all transported back to their homes in Tokyo, none of them remembering anything that had happened.

When a new enemy appeared soon after, though, the crystal restored Enjolras’s memories, but its power was not so connected with everyone else so as to restore theirs as well.

So Enjolras fought alone as Sailor Moon.

Well, not entirely alone. He still had Javert and Valjean, two beings from the planet Mau who took cat forms to guide the Sailor Senshi on Earth. However, as they were stuck in their feline forms, they were not very helpful in an actual fight. All they really did nowadays was argue with him.

“The Senshi were destined to be your guardians,” Javert had said only last night, confused anger in his glare. “It is madness for you to fight in their place!”

“Stop parroting the bullshit Meness tried to sell us all in the Silver Millenium,” Enjolras had growled back. “I have finally tapped into the true power of the crystal. There is no need to risk their lives.”

Javert had come a long way in not following the plans of Enjolras’s former father, the King Meness of the Moon, but he still sometimes fell back on them when he didn’t know what else to do.

And Enjolras’s choice to fight alone was something that neither of his guides could understand.

“Please, Enjolras,” Valjean had said, trying a different tactic. “You were never meant to be a Senshi. Your power comes from the Silver Crystal, but it shouldn’t be used as freely as a Senshi’s power. It will _kill_ you if you use too much. Your friends wouldn’t want you to die.”

“You’re forgetting my mother was from the Sun. I have its power as well,” he had argued.

Javert had scoffed at that. “That power is only defensive. It’ll keep you alive long enough for you to kill yourself using the crystal. And once you’re gone with the others’ memories locked away forever, the Earth will be defenseless.”

Enjolras had not had an argument for that, but he still refused to give his friends’ their memories back. How could he after seeing how happy they were now?

Joly and Bossuet were finally reunited. If it hadn’t been for the whole “destiny” thing, they never would have been separated to begin with. Bossuet should never have been taken by the Dark Kingdom and had his will taken from him, forced to serve Metalia as the Shitennou of Autumn. And Joly should have never had to face him as Sailor Mercury in what they all believed to be a death match.

Thankfully, that particular battle hadn’t gone that far. If it had, Enjolras knew it would have broken Joly.

Now, seeing the two laughing together surrounded by friends, Joly leaning comfortably into Bossuet’s side, how could he possibly give them all those terrible memories back?

Bahorel looked at peace as well. Enjolras knew that he and Jehan had met once more and had begun dating. He never saw Jehan, or Grantaire, Feuilly, or Gavroche for that matter. All four of them attended different schools.

Without the mind manipulations of King Meness, Jehan must have known that what he felt from Grantaire was not romantic love. Enjolras tried to tell himself he was happy for them because of the heartache his father had caused Neptune and Jupiter, but he knew that was not the only reason.

But he did not let himself think about Grantaire.

Eponine and Marius looked quite cozy as well these days. Enjolras had not seen that relationship coming. Sailor Pluto and the Shitennou of Spring had never had much interaction as far as he knew. Then again, there was a lot that he missed in those last days before the final battle with Metalia.

Cosette and Musichetta, too, had finally found peace with each other. Their memories would hurt them the most, he knew. For Musichetta to learn that she had killed her lover in her past life and then had come back to try and destroy her planet, well, that would break her heart. Musichetta, he knew from his discreet observations in school, was a very warm and loving person, and absolutely adored her former princess. It would be cruel to give her memories back to her.

His gaze shifted finally to Combeferre and Courfeyrac. After Grantaire, it was their loss that cut him the deepest.

He had not known Courfeyrac as long, of course, but the Senshi of Love was there for him as he struggled to figure out which feelings inside him were real and which were planted there by his father. Courfeyrac had supported him through it all, even with his own heart breaking once Combeferre was taken. Not having him was like missing part of his soul.

Combeferre , though, had been his best friend since middle school. When Enjolras realized that he didn’t remember him, he had wanted to scream at the unfairness. They had been all but brothers since the day Enjolras had interrupted the quiet boy’s reading by sitting down next to him at lunchtime and explaining just why he was not going to address him using an honorific as custom but that he would very much like to be friends regardless.

That was three years _before_ the Dark Kingdom had stolen the Shitennou of Winter and twisted his mind to serve them. Why did the crystal have to take _those_ memories as well?

But Enjolras knew why. The answer was in his wish. He wanted them to be safe and live normal lives.

They could never be normal, could never be _safe_ , knowing Enjolras.

That is why they could never be given their memories back. That is why they could never know him.

That is why he fought alone.

And that is why he was sitting alone in an empty classroom at lunch while a good many of the people he loved more than anything in the world laughed outside the window, not even realizing he existed.

#

Enjolras jumped silently from tree to tree, headed towards the spot in the park giving off the negative energy he sensed. He stopped at the edge of the attack, taking in the scene before he made his move.

This was the worst part for him.

When he first started fighting alone, he would rush into the fight, confronting the monster head-on. It had been how he had fought when he had the other Senshi with him. Without the others, though, it was a bad tactic to take. Blasts from his Moon Staff were powerful, but those attacks drew on the power of the Silver Crystal. Not only did channeling the power into the staff take time, but using it too much weakened him.

The first few battles he had fought that way, he had nearly died.

So although it killed him to sit on the sidelines and watch as the monster attacked people, he had to wait for the opportune moment before he attacked.

When the monster turned his back to him, he quickly took his chance.

“Silver Moon Strike,” he whispered the incantation to activate the staff as quietly as he could, pouring as much strength as he dared into the attack.

A beam of deadly silver light shot out of the staff straight at the monster’s back. He sighed in relief as the monster disintegrated with the first hit. These new monsters were stronger than the ones he had faced from the Dark Kingdom. Sometimes, one blast from the staff wasn’t enough.

Enjolras looked around at the people lying on the ground around him. As far as he could tell, they all still seemed to be breathing. Thankfully, people were rarely killed in attacks like these.

Whoever this new enemy was, they weren’t interested in killing anyone. They didn’t seem to be interested in either destroying or conquering the world at all. All they seemed to do was drain the life energy from people. It was dangerous, as people did sometimes die if too much was inadvertently taken, but the energy seemed to be the end itself, rather than the means to an end that it was with the Dark Kingdom.

But Enjolras did not understand it.

Seeing there was nothing else to do there, he started back towards his apartment, waiting until he was about a block away before de-transforming. After all, what was the use of having superpowers if you couldn’t use them to avoid public transportation?

“Well?” Javert asked him as soon as he walked in the door.

He barely spared the black cat a glance as he walked to the small kitchenette and opened the mini-fridge. He frowned at its meager content and peeked into the cupboard only to find it in a similar state.

He would need to go grocery shopping soon.

Three months after he had taken up the mantle of Sailor Moon once more, his father had caught him sneaking back into his room late at night one too many times and had kicked him out, though Enjolras was fairly certain it had less to do with his breaking curfew as it did with the picture of him and Grantaire his father had found.

Apparently he was doomed to have a shitty father in every life.

So now he was living in this tiny little studio on the very edge of the Azabu-Juuban district. It wasn’t much, and the rent was higher than it should have been because of its location, but it was a place to sleep and it allowed him to stay in the same school.

He had been on his own for about eight months. At the moment, he was still able to live off his college fund, but that money was quickly depleting. He’d have to get a job soon, but he didn’t know how he was going to balance work, school, and fighting evil.

“Enjolras!” Javert called sharply, fed up with being ignored.

“There was a monster,” he said with a roll of his eyes as he grabbed one of his last granola bars and flopped down on the bedroll in the corner, feeling a keen longing for an actual bed. “And I destroyed it.”

“Any sign of the two beings you saw before?” Valjean asked more gently.

 “No,” he said before taking a bite of his bar and chewing thoughtfully.

“Enjolras, you have got to awaken the others!” Javert hissed. Valjean shot him a warning look, the white cat obviously thinking that rehashing the argument was a bad idea. “This enemy is gathering a lot of energy. You haven’t been able to stop them, and sooner or later they _will_ do something with what they have taken! What are you going to do if their ultimate attack is too much?”

Enjolras looked away, not wanting to tell them that he was halfway hoping that would happen soon. Once the enemy showed their hand, he’d be able to use the crystal to destroy them. He didn’t think this enemy was as expansive as the Dark Kingdom. He was almost certain that he would be able to destroy them.

He couldn’t, though, guarantee that he would live through it, which was why he didn’t want to say anything to Javert or Valjean.

“I don’t know,” he said instead. “But I won’t mess up everyone else’s lives just because I’m too weak to handle things alone. I _will_ take care of this myself.”

#

He was running late again.

Attacks were happening more frequently now. Whatever their plan was, the enemy was getting desperate. Unfortunately, that meant that Enjolras did not get much sleep, which led to him being late more times than he was comfortable with.

His teachers were becoming more and more disappointed with him. His grades were slipping, he was often late, and he had even fallen asleep in class once or twice. Sensei Lamarque had even taken him aside a couple of weeks ago to ask him what was going on.

What was he supposed to say? That living and fighting on his own was slowly eating away at him? That his heart ached every time one of his friends glanced at him with no recognition in their eyes? That the love of his life didn’t know he existed? That it was getting harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning knowing that no one would really care if he didn’t?

He was tempted to just forget it all. Leave Tsukino Enjolras behind and become Sailor Moon permanently. He’d be able to stop more attacks that way. Maybe frustrate the enemy into showing themselves sooner.

It wasn’t like anyone would really miss him.

He rounded the corner quickly and ran smack into someone, stumbling slightly before hands shot out to keep him on his feet.

His breath caught in his throat as he looked up into familiar blue eyes. A sense of déjà vu spread through him, probably because this was almost exactly how he first met the man in this life.

“Are you alright?” Grantaire asked, forehead wrinkled in concern.

Whatever answer he might have given was stuck in his throat. Instead, he just nodded before taking a step back.

Grantaire was looking at him skeptically. “You look familiar. Have we met?”

“No,” he said quickly. “I have to go!”

He darted around the taller man and rushed towards his school.

He cursed his stupidity. He should have been watching where he was going. He couldn’t be around Grantaire. It was better that way. R had loved him too much. He’d fight the block on his memories. He managed to see through the false memories the Moon King had given him in this new life; there was no way he wouldn’t be able to break through the crystal’s forced amnesia.

He mentally cringed at the idea that his inadvertent wish on the crystal was in anyway akin to Meness’s selfish mind manipulations, but he couldn’t deny that they were similar in form even if not intent.

He didn’t even care that he got yet another detention for being late again. He had other things on his mind.

He’d have to be more careful in the future. Grantaire deserved a chance at life. He deserved so much more than Enjolras could give him.

#

He stopped dead as he walked out of the school and saw Grantaire casually leaning against the wall.

“I figured you’d get detention for being late,” he said with a smile. “Thought I’d stop by and see if you’d like to get a milkshake with me, since I never got to apologize for running into you this morning.”

“Pretty sure I ran into you,” Enjolras said absently, heart pounding in excitement even as his mind raced with worry. “And didn’t you get detention too?”

Grantaire shook his head and pushed off the wall. “My school starts half an hour later than yours, and it was more my fault than yours. I’m Grantaire. Milkshake?”

“Enjolras, and I really shouldn’t…”

“Come on. My treat.”

His heart skipped a beat as Grantaire grabbed his hand and dragged him in the direction of the Musain. He knew he should protest more, but he really didn’t want to.

Nostalgia flooded him as he entered the Musain. He had spent so much time at the café before the final battle against Metalia. He hadn’t been able to step foot into it after remembering.

“Grantaire!” Marius greeted from behind the counter as they entered.

“Marius,” Grantaire replied with a smile. “This is Enjolras. Enjolras, this is my friend Marius.”

“Konnichiwa, Enjolras,” Marius said. “What can I get for the two of you?”

“One chocolate milkshake, and one strawberry,” Grantaire answered for them, looking at his companion for confirmation.

Enjolras just smiled and nodded, slightly worried that Grantaire had apparently subconsciously remembered his favorite was strawberry. Maybe his memories weren’t as blocked as Enjolras thought they were.

Once they were seated in a booth with their milkshakes, Grantaire looked at him a little sheepishly. “Sorry for addressing you without an honorific with Marius,” he said. Enjolras started at that. He was so used to never using honorifics with any of the Senshi or Shitennou that he hadn’t realized it was considered strange.  “My friends and I always just felt… wrong… using them with each other.”

“I don’t mind,” he said faintly, heart pounding in his chest. They might not remember anything, but that apparently didn’t stop them from feeling that something was off. He really didn’t know if that thought made fear or excitement pump through his veins. “You and your friends must be close.”

“We are,” he answered, stirring his milkshake absently. “Most of us have only known each other about a year, but we just click, you know? And honorifics among us just seem unnecessary. Do you ever feel like something is missing though? Like there’s something you should know or remember and you just… don’t?”

Enjolras froze, but Grantaire laughed and shook his head before he could answer. “Sorry, was that a bit heavy for a first date?”

He forced a chuckle in answer. “Oh is this supposed to be a date?”

“Yes,” Grantaire answered matter-of-factly with a sly smirk and a frankly ridiculous eyebrow waggle. “Beautiful boy literally runs into me? How could I resist tracking him down and tricking him into a date?”

Enjolras blushed, all worries forgotten momentarily. “You think I’m beautiful?”

He knew Grantaire loved him, even if he himself didn’t remember, and he _knew_ R thought Apollo was beautiful, but it was still nice to know that _Grantaire_ thought _Enjolras_ was attractive without the lens of the ancient tragic love story.

Grantaire laughed again.  “I’m glad you chose to focus on that instead of the whole stalker-ish aspect of me tricking you into a date.”

“Tricking implies something more subtle than what you did,” he pointed out, smiling despite himself and taking a sip of his shake. He savored the sweet flavor on his tongue. It had been a long time since he had been able to indulge in something as superfluous as a milkshake.

“And yet you seemed surprised to realize this was a date?”

“Well, I have been called oblivious in the past,” he replied somewhat sadly, thinking back to how he completely missed, in both lives, that the man he was in love with him was in love with him as well.

“Then I will be more obvious in the future,” Grantaire promised with a smile.

Enjolras smiled back, heart aching as he remembered a similar promise made by the same man thousands of years ago.

_I shall never give you reason to doubt me again._

He loved Grantaire so much, and was so very happy to have him back in his life again, but was it worth the risk? He had stayed away for a reason. The memories of the past were so painful, and there was no reason to put him or any of his friends through the pain of fighting once more.

And was it even fair to start a relationship with a man who knew nothing of their history?

But why shouldn’t he? Grantaire liked him, he liked Grantaire. Why couldn’t they start with a clean slate?

Besides, this was the first time in nearly a year he felt… happy. Not the satisfaction that came from killing a monster. Not the contentment that came with a quiet night with no attack. But actually _happy_. Why shouldn’t he have that?

“So,” Grantaire asked as they walked out of the Musain. “Can I see you again?”

He smiled. “I’d like that.”

He deserved to be happy, after all.

Grantaire positively beamed at him, proving that this made him happy as well. And they _both_ deserved happiness.

“Can I have your phone number then?”

The smile faded from Enjolras’s as he realized why this was a bad idea. His life was such a mess. He didn’t even have a telephone, for goodness sake! And that was the least of his troubles. What happened when a monster attacked in the middle of a date and he had to run off to fight? What happened when he had used the crystal’s power so much that he could barely lift his head, let alone summon enough energy to give an excuse to a boyfriend?

What happened when, sooner or later, he disappeared completely?

Could he do that to Grantaire?

“I… don’t have a phone,” he stammered, chewing his lip and looking down. “Maybe it’s better if we don’t see each other after all.”

Grantaire didn’t say anything, but after a moment, stepped closer and raised a hand to gently tilt Enjolras’s head up, forcing him to look at him.

“Enjolras,” he said softly but with a determined edge. “I’m not going to ask you to do anything you don’t want to do, but you like me, right?”

He had to huff a laugh at that. ‘Like’ was far too mild a word to use to describe how he felt about Grantaire. He nodded anyway.

“Then why would it be better if we didn’t see each other again?” he asked, moving his hand to cup Enjolras’s cheek.

Enjolras swallowed thickly before answering. “My life is a disaster right now,” he said honestly. “I don’t even have a phone. I can’t drag you into my mess.”

“You’re not dragging,” he replied with a smirk. “I’m running full tilt into it.”

“You shouldn’t,” Enjolras warned, not sure if this was an argument he wanted to win.

“I’m not really one to do what I should do,” he quipped, taking a step even closer, causing Enjolras to take a sharp intake of breath. “Just like I probably shouldn’t kiss on the first date.”

Before Enjolras could reply, Grantaire’s lips were pressed against his in a chaste kiss that was over far too quickly.

Grantaire smirked as he pulled away and stepped back. “I _will_ see you later,” he promised before walking away, leaving Enjolras to stare after him in bemusement.

He really should’ve known that Grantaire wasn’t going to let him go. The man might not remember who he was, but he was still the same person. And Grantaire had _never_ given up on him before. It was naïve to think he would start now.

And though he knew this would make his life more complicated, he couldn’t find it in himself to regret it.

It might be selfish of him, especially knowing that there was a high probability of him not making it out of this fight alive, but he had forgotten what it felt like to actually _live_.

And after being reminded by the spontaneous date with Grantaire, he didn’t know if he could go back to the half-life he had before.

If it had been anyone else, he might have been able to give them up. But Grantaire wasn’t the only one incapable of letting go.

He only hoped Grantaire would forgive him any pain his inevitable death would cause him.

#

It was nice, he decided after his fifth date with Grantaire, to actually _date_ the other teen. Their relationship in the past had consisted only of moments stolen between their various duties. To have an _actual_ relationship was refreshing.

It wasn’t easy though.

Enjolras was constantly afraid of saying the wrong thing. Even worse, because there was so much that he _couldn’t_ talk about, he was terrified that Grantaire would lose interest.

After all, outside of being Sailor Moon, and now dating Grantaire, Enjolras didn’t really have much of a life anymore. He barely remembered a time when he _did_.

His crusade to eliminate the use of honorifics seemed childish now. He couldn’t believe that was his main goal in life less than two years ago. Who cared if their society put emphasis on showing the proper respect when addressing people by name? At least it was a mostly equal system.

Being disowned by his family had opened his eyes to many real problems in their society, but, at the end of the day, he just didn’t have the energy to fight them. Saving the world kind of took precedence, though his sense of justice hated to call anyone’s problems greater than anyone else’s.

The point, though, was that the only interesting thing about Enjolras’s life, currently, was something that he could _never_ tell Grantaire about because what if it caused him to _remember_.

Why did everything have to be so complicated?

“Tsukino-san,” his math teacher called suddenly, breaking him harshly out of his thoughts. “Could you tell us the answer to the problem on the board?”

He blushed as all he could do was blink at the complicated problem on the board. He couldn’t even remember what some of those symbols stood for, let alone how to solve the equation. It was with a sinking dread that he realized how far behind in his studies he had fallen. He used to be a straight A student. What the hell had happened?

“Negative 4i,” came a barely audible whisper from directly behind him.

He dutifully repeated the answer and the teacher nodded before moving on. Enjolras just managed to stop himself from spinning around to see who had helped him. He inwardly cringed as he realized he hadn’t even been paying attention to the people around him. It was bad enough to have turned into a terrible student, now he was just a terrible person.

No wonder he didn’t have any friends outside of Grantaire, he thought miserably. Then again, if he couldn’t have _his_ friends, what good would substitutes do?

The ringing of the lunch bell broke him out of his thoughts. His stomach rumbled in hunger, as if the bell elicited some Pavlovian response, and he sighed as he remembered that he had run out of groceries yesterday and had been unable to pack a lunch.

His funds were getting dangerously low. It was to the point where he knew that he would have to choose between paying rent and buying food for next month, and that thought worried him more than he could say.

Before Grantaire came back into his life, he would have used his dwindling funds as a reason to stop worrying about living a double life. No one would have missed him anyway. It would have been the easy way out, sure, but why shouldn’t one thing about his life be easy? It wasn’t as if he expected to survive on his own for much longer.

He couldn’t do that now, of course. Grantaire would certainly notice if Enjolras went missing, and honestly, Enjolras couldn’t imagine leaving the other man now.

He’d have to figure out another solution. Until then, though, he’d just have to cut back on his already stringent food budget.

“Enjolras-san,” a familiar voice called from behind him. He turned in his seat to see Combeferre and Courfeyrac smiling down at him from where they stood next to Joly’s, who must have given him the answer in class, desk.

“Would you care to eat lunch with us?” Combeferre continued.

His breath caught in his throat as he looked from face to smiling face and he determinedly blinked back tears at the _welcome_ in his unknowing friends’ faces. His heart ached to accept but he hesitated.

He knew from Grantaire that they all felt there was something greater tying them together, though his boyfriend hadn’t come out and said it in so many words. What if Enjolras spending time with all of them caused their memories to resurface?

Could he bear causing his friends so much pain?

Unfortunately, in thinking that he even had a choice, he had forgotten just who he was dealing with. He was reminded when Courfeyrac pulled him to his feet with a large grin on his face.

“We won’t take no for an answer!” he proclaimed, throwing an arm around the shorter blond and all but dragging him outside.

Soon, he was seated under a large oak, surrounded by most of his friends, save of course Grantaire, Jehan, Feuilly, and Gavroche.

“Sorry if we’re a bit overwhelming,” Combeferre apologized, giving Enjolras a chagrined smile.

Enjolras smiled back and shook his head. “You’re not,” he assured honestly. “It’s very clear you all care about each other deeply.”

“Where’s your lunch, Enjolras?” Courfeyrac asked, interrupting whatever response Combeferre might have given.

“Oh, I, um, forgot it this morning,” he lied, blushing furiously. “I was running a bit late.”

“Here, take the rest of mine!” Bahorel insisted from the other side of Combeferre, pushing a half-eaten bento box into his hands. “I always end up cooking and packing way too much.”

Enjolras tried giving a meek protest, but the stern look Bahorel gave him, along with his own stomach, caused him to cave. “Thank you,” he said instead.

“Well, Grantaire would probably be upset if we let you starve,” Eponine chimed in with a laugh.

He gave her a smile. “I figured he was the reason I was invited to join you today. You all aren’t going to threaten bodily harm to me if I hurt him now, are you?”

“We don’t need to,” Cosette answered instead. Her stare caused a shiver of unease to run through Enjolras. It was just so _knowing_ , and he remembered with a start that she, too, bore a powerful crystal, albeit of a very different nature than Enjolras’s.

A knot of worry settled in his stomach, causing him to lose his appetite immediately. He forced himself to eat the food Bahorel had given him though, not wanting to seem ungrateful and knowing that he’d regret not eating later when he peered into his empty pantry. Thankfully, lunch period ended shortly after that, so he didn’t have to hide his sudden discomfort from the others for long.

His afternoon classes drug on. When the final bell rung, Enjolras bolted out as fast as he could, not wanting to give anyone a chance to catch him.

Cosette was a reminder that the Silver Crystal’s power was not infallible. Not only that, but he _knew_ that the crystal was tied to him—to his life, to his emotions, to his _desires_.

And the longer he was around his friends, he knew he would eventually want them to _remember_. He knew it was selfish. Knew that it wasn’t right to force them back into that life. Knew it wasn’t right to ask them to risk their lives again and again.

But it was just getting so _hard_ to fight alone.

He was already being beyond selfish to risk being with Grantaire. He couldn’t justify doing it with his other friends as well.

Of course, he learned the next day, there was really no graceful way to say “no” to an  invitation to join your boyfriend’s friends for lunch. Not that Enjolras didn’t try.

“I’m not really hungry,” he had said. “And I really need to catch up on this math stuff if I want to pass the next exam.”

“You don’t have to skip lunch to do that!” Joly had responded merrily. “You should join us for our study sessions. We all meet at the shrine our friend Feuilly’s family runs. It’s a lot of fun, and there’s usually at least one person who understands whatever subject anyone is having problems with. Besides, it is unhealthy to skip a meal.”

“That is a great idea!” Courfeyrac had chimed in with a grin as he led Enjolras outside. “You’ll get to meet Jehan and Feuilly, and probably Eponine’s kid brother too!”

He had shot Combeferre a panicked look out of habit, as his former best friend had always been the one he looked to when he was in a social situation that was out of his depth. Combeferre, though, merely shook his head with a small smile.

“There’s no helping it, Enjolras,” he had said ruefully. “Looks like we’ve officially adopted you.”

And that led him to the Hikawa Shrine. It was a place he was very familiar with, though he tried hard to hide it. It was where they had had nearly all of their Senshi meetings. Feuilly lived there with his grandmother, who ran the shrine that had been in their family for generations. The shrine was an ideal place to meet as it was spacious enough to hold all nine of them comfortably and because Feuilly’s grandmother, whether due to her suspecting the truth with the spiritual sixth sense she had passed on to Feuilly or because of her relaxed parenting style, never really questioned their presence.

Of course, with Cosette and her Shittenou bringing their number up to fourteen, it was a little less spacious, but it was still probably the biggest area available to them.

Enjolras couldn’t say that he wasn’t enjoying himself. Homework was much more enjoyable when he was doing it while Grantaire played absently with his hair as he leaned against him.

That would be when Javert appeared on the window sill, glaring at him pointedly and tossing his head urgently to tell him Sailor Moon was needed elsewhere.

“Sorry, guys, but I have to go,” he said regretfully, standing up a little too quickly and getting lightheaded for a moment. He frowned as he realized he hadn’t eaten since lunch yesterday, having steadfastly held to his not hungry excuse earlier, knowing if he caved and ate the food Courfeyrac had offered him, they’d never let such an excuse stand later.

“You just got here!” Jehan protested immediately and pouted at him. His boyfriend’s roommate had apparently been very keen to get to know him.

“Yeah!” came the round of agreements from various people.

“Besides, Grandma Hino is making her famous scones for us!” Courfeyrac cried. “You can’t leave yet!”

It was Grantaire, though, that made him hate his secret life more than he ever had before. “Please stay,” he pleaded, his eyes telling Enjolras how much he really had wanted this get together to go well.

He knew that they’d all take his leaving the wrong way. Leaving so quickly would probably be taken as a sign that he didn’t really care to know Grantaire’s friends, and what kind of boyfriend didn’t even want to _try_ to get along with their boyfriend’s friends?

He really didn’t want to upset Grantaire, but he had no choice.

“I _have_ to,” he said sincerely, trying to convey how genuinely upset he was at having to leave.

“Then I’ll walk you home,” Grantaire said, about to stand as well.

“No, don’t worry about it,” he said, probably a little too quickly with a little too much panic in his voice. “I have some errands I need to run before going home. Enjoy hanging out with your friends. I’m sure they’ve missed you with all the time you’ve been spending with me.”

He didn’t give Grantaire any time to protest before turning to everyone else. “Thank you for inviting me. I would love to join you again,” he said before leaving swiftly.

As soon as he was a couple of blocks from the shrine, he ducked into an alley and transformed, his school uniform quickly replaced with the red, white, and blue uniform of Sailor Moon.

“The daycare on Seventh Street,” Javert said succinctly after Enjolras’s transformation was complete. Enjolras saw red and took off towards the attack as fast as he could.

Attacking small children was a new low for this enemy.

Enjolras did not wait for a clear shot this time when he arrived at the scene. The monster was attacking _babies_. He couldn’t justify not jumping into the fray immediately.

He had the element of surprise on his hand for the first few moments, which he used to land a solid kick to the monster’s head. Unfortunately, that seemed to only piss the thing off and focus its attention on him.

Well, at least it wasn’t attacking babies anymore.

Draining Enjolras’s energy was apparently not the thing’s goal, if the small, sharp blades thrown in his direction were any hint. He dodged as best as he could, but this monster was extremely fast and he seemed to be moving more sluggishly than usual. A few blades bit into him, none of them seemed to do too much damage though.

He brought his Moon Staff out, knowing he’d only get one shot at this creature. He made a sudden jump, confusing the thing and vaulting over its head. Before his feet even hit the ground, he attacked, pouring everything he had left into the staff. “Silver Moon Strike!”

Luckily, the monster disintegrated with a scream with only one silver blast of power. Enjolras wasn’t sure he could have summoned the strength for another.

Too exhausted to worry about preserving his secret, he took to the rooftops and hopped onto his building’s fire escape to climb directly into his apartment.

He gasped as the pain in his side hit him suddenly and he raised a hand to it protectively.

“Enjolras?!?” the shocked voice of Grantaire cried, alerting him to the fact that he wasn’t alone in his apartment.

His fuzzy brain knew that Grantaire being there should be a cause for concern, but he couldn’t quite remember _why_. The room was spinning for some reason and making it very difficult to think straight.

“R…” he mumbled before collapsing, strong arms catching him before he hit the floor.

“Shit, Enjolras, you’re bleeding!” his boyfriend cried in horror.

He was about to tell Grantaire that they were just scratches before realizing how wet the fingers he had pressed against his side were. He glanced down and nearly fainted as he saw all the red blood staining his carpet.

There went his security deposit, he thought absurdly.

“We’ve got to get you to the hospital,” Grantaire was saying.

“No!” he insisted, black spots dancing in front of his eyes. “I can’t!”

“Enjolras, this isn’t a little cut!” he exclaimed in a panicked voice.

“I heal fast,” he slurred, leaning his head against Grantaire’s chest and getting annoyed as his stupid mask shifted and slightly obscured his vision. He tossed his head weakly to dislodge it, frustrated when it stayed stubbornly in place. A hand brushed against his face before gently removing the mask for him.

Oh, he suddenly realized as he blinked up at Grantaire. His boyfriend hadn’t known he was Sailor Moon before. His secret was out.

That was probably bad, but he really couldn’t summon the strength to care at the moment.

“At least let me call Joly,” he pleaded. “He helps his mom out at the hospital all the time. And if _he_ says you need a hospital, we are bringing you to the hospital.”

He knew Grantaire would not relent. Not when it came to Enjolras’s wellbeing. And with the blackness of unconsciousness creeping up on him fast, he knew arguing wasn’t really worth it.

“Fine. Love you, R…” he said faintly before surrendering to the darkness.

#

He frowned in confusion when he woke up on his bedroll still in his Senshi uniform. It was very rare that he went to bed without de-transforming, and when he did, it was never by choice. Sleep was never as restful when your body was drawing constantly on a small trickle of your energy to keep up the transformation.

He gasped softly as he remembered what happened and sat up abruptly, instantly regretting it as the room tilted sideways and a sharp pain erupted in his side.

“Easy, Apollo,” Grantaire said, instantly at his side and easing him back onto his bedroll.

Panic seized him. He remembered. Grantaire remembered. Why else would he have called him by that name?

“Apollo?” he asked uncertainly, needing to know what the other remembered before he decided what emotions he was feeling in that moment.

Grantaire huffed a laugh. “Yeah, you know, like the Greek sun god? Bright, beautiful, and all-powerful?” he explained, causing Enjolras’s heart to sink. He didn’t remember after all.

Guessed that answered the question about whether or not he wanted Grantaire to remember.

“Guess it doesn’t fit too well,” Grantaire continued pointedly. “You are Sailor _Moon_ , after all.”

“Sorry I didn’t tell you,” he mumbled, turning slightly away from him so that he couldn’t see the tears in his eyes. What if Grantaire had decided staying with him was too much work? Or what if he was so angry about Enjorlas lying that he was going to break up with him regardless?

“Hey,” Grantaire said softly, gently turning his face to look at him. “I understand. This really isn’t something you just tell someone.”

“You’re upset though,” he pointed out, seeing his emotions clearly displayed in his blue eyes.

“Can you blame me, Enjolras?” he asked, jaw tightening as he looked away. “I came here because I was worried with how abruptly you left and… you were hurt so bad,” he said, looking back at him with tears in his eyes.  “There was so much blood, Enjolras. I thought… And then you refused to go to the hospital, which, yeah, I get, but…”

“I’m sorry,” he said, smiling up at him in true regret. “I never wanted to put you through that. You were never supposed to know.”

“Don’t apologize for me finding out, Enjolras!” Grantaire cried. “Do you think it makes me feel better to know that you’re just going to hide how hurt you are so that I don’t get upset? That only makes me worry _more_! Joly said you could’ve bled out without help. You could have _died_ if I hadn’t found you!”

“Joly?”

“I told you I was going to call him,” he answered defensively. “And it was a good thing I did because he was the one who was able to stitch you up, even if he protested the entire time that he wasn’t a doctor and had never done it before.”

“And I was still transformed?” he asked needlessly, already knowing the answer. If Joly knew about him, he was sure Bossuet would know soon as well. Not that Joly wasn’t trustworthy, he was just extremely bad at keeping secrets from the ones he loved.  And if Bossuet knew, it was only a matter of time before some stroke of bad luck led to the rest of them knowing as well.

“Sorry for outing you,” Grantaire said sheepishly. “But I did it to save your life.”

“I’m not upset,” he said in resignation, shifting so that his face was resting against his boyfriend’s thigh. “I trust your friends.”

Grantaire hummed in answer. “Now that the secret identity conversation is done, can we talk about what it was that led to you nearly bleeding to death?”

He sighed and rolled his eyes. “I just didn’t move fast enough.”

“And would that have anything to do with the fact that you have absolutely no food in this apartment?” Grantaire asked, a noticeably hard edge in his tone.

Enjolras winced and said nothing, hoping he would let it go.

“Okay, I know I’m not the best person to tell anyone how to take care of themselves,” Grantaire said more gently after it was obvious he wasn’t going to answer. “But if you’re going to be throwing yourself into dangerous fights, you’ve got to make sure your body is healthy.”

“I do the best I can,” he replied softly, blinking back the tears in his eyes. He didn’t want to have this conversation. Not so soon after Grantaire found out about his alter identity. Throwing all his problems at his boyfriend was probably a sure way to lose him.

After all, Grantaire had only known him a couple of weeks, and Enjolras hadn’t really let him in, if he were honest. There was no way Grantaire felt nearly as strongly about him as Enjolras did for him. At least not yet.

Enjolras was terrified that if Grantaire realized how much baggage he had, he’d decide he wasn’t worth it.

“When was the last time you ate?” Grantaire asked, looking down at him in skepticism.

“That depends on how long I’ve been unconscious,” he mumbled, hedging the question. Grantaire looked at him sternly and he sighed in defeat. “Before the fight, I hadn’t eaten since lunch the day before.”

Grantaire took a sharp intake of breath. “And that’s doing the best you can?” he said incredulously. “Going over twenty four hours without food and then using all your energy to kill a monster?”

“What am I supposed to do?” Enjolras asked in frustration, sitting up regardless of the pain in his side. “I don’t have money for rent and food anymore. I can’t get help from my parents because my father disowned me after catching me sneaking in so many nights. Between school and being Sailor Moon, I don’t have time to get a job. What if there’s an attack while I’m at work? I don’t think I’d be excused to go fight. So please, R, tell me what I am supposed to do?”

Tears were streaming down his face at the end of his rant. Grantaire wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close, allowing him to bury his face in his chest. He hadn’t meant to reveal that much, but he couldn’t deny it felt nice to let it out.

“I’ll tell you what you’re going to do,” Grantaire said, pulling away slightly and bringing a hand up to caress his face. “You’re going to let other people help you. You’re going to let me and all of our friends, because they _are_ yours too, help you. Because, Enjolras, I can’t lose you. I know we’ve only known each other for a little while, but I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you as soon as I saw you and it feels like my life wasn’t complete until that moment. So please, for me, please, promise me that you will stop isolating yourself.”

The tears that he had managed to get under control threatened to fall once more at Grantaire’s confession of love. Despite the fear of his boyfriend remembering, Enjolras felt an immense wave of joy sweep over him at the thought that the deep love between them hadn’t vanished even though Grantaire’s memories were blocked.

“I love you too, you know,” he said with a watery smile.

“Is that a promise then?” Grantaire asked with a raised brow.

Enjolras dropped his eyes. “I don’t isolate myself.”

“That’s not what I hear,” he stated. “Joly said none of them have ever seen you talk to anyone at school unless you were forced to until this week. And you don’t talk to your family, which obviously isn’t your fault, but still. Who did you have before we met, Enjolras?”

“I had my cats,” he answered meekly, knowing from Grantaire’s glare that was the wrong answer. Though, to be fair, Grantaire didn’t know that those cats weren’t ordinary cats. He sighed in defeat. “I don’t want anyone else hurt by me being Sailor Moon.”

“I don’t want _you_ hurt by it either,” Grantaire said. “You shouldn’t have to bear this burden alone. It’s bad enough that you have to fight alone. We might not be much help in a fight, but we can at least make sure you’re taken care of while you’re Tsukino Enjolras.”

A sliver of guilt sliced through him because he knew that they _could_ help him in the fight if only he’d let them. He wondered what Grantaire would say, though, if he told him _that_.

It was that guilt, though, that allowed him to promise to let himself be taken care in other aspects of his life.

#

He wasn’t exactly sure that his promise to take care of himself translated to this, Enjolras thought vaguely as he allowed Grantaire, Jehan, and Bahorel to pack up the few belongings he had and carry them down to Jehan’s car. He thought about protesting, especially after Grantaire scooped him up and carried him like an invalid down the stairs as well, but he figured it would be a losing argument.

Once your boyfriend sees you nearly bleed to death, saying you were _fine_ was probably not going to work too well.

He had to admit, though, Javert’s face as he and Valjean were shut into the kitty carrier was priceless.

“Am I allowed to ask where we are going?” he said instead once he was spawled across the backseat, still mostly in Grantaire’s arms.

“Because your superhero duties make it hard for you to provide for yourself,” Grantaire said. Enjolras noted that neither of the two in the front looked surprised at the statement, confirming his suspicion that Grantaire or Joly had told them about his alter ego. Not that he was upset. It made things much easier, really. At least _he_ didn’t have to tell them.

“And because I figured moving in with _me_ was probably moving our relationship too fast,” he continued, looking regretful enough that Enjolras was satisfied that he didn’t _not_ want him to move in with him. “Bahorel has offered you his spare room.”

The former Sailor Jupiter grinned back at him. “My parents bought the apartment so I could go to school in this district after being kicked out of my last school. I think they got a two bedroom with the intention of coming to visit me, but it’s been two years and they’ve never bothered so far.”

“If you’re sure you don’t mind me there,” Enjolras said, knowing it was beyond useless arguing.

 “I’d mind more knowing you were living in that death trap of an apartment we just left,” Bahorel quipped. 

Enjolras pouted. “It wasn’t _that_ bad.”

Jehan shot him a look in the rearview mirror. “The door had no lock and the kitchen had mold,” he said in a deadpan voice.

“Not to mention the stain the puddle of your blood left behind,” Grantaire muttered sullenly.

“I think we’re all going to feel better knowing that you won’t be coming home to an empty apartment,” Bahorel interjected before Enjolras could apologize again for the worry he had caused. “You’re keeping the city safe. Someone has to keep you safe as well.”

“You guys barely know me,” Enjolras pointed out weakly.

“Maybe,” Jehan said matter-of-factly. “But that doesn’t mean you’re not one of us.”

Unease settled in Enjolras’s stomach at that statement, but he didn’t dare question it further. At this point, he was pretty sure that it was better to hedge around the connection they all felt with each other, and to him, as much as possible.

 

“Thank you,” Grantaire said after he had carried him into his new room and settled him on the bed.

Enjolras rolled his eyes and pulled Grantaire down onto the bed with him. “Why are you thanking me?” he asked. “You’re the one who saved my life and who begged his friend to put me up for a while. Shouldn’t I be thanking you?”

“Well, I am just glad that I was _able_ to save your life,” he replied earnestly. “And there was no begging needed to get Bahorel to get you to move in. He offered as soon as he knew you needed a place to stay.”

That, Enjolras believed. The Senshi of Thunder had always been a gentle giant of sorts, always quick to take care of those around him. He was fairly certain that was how his relationship with Jehan began in the distant past, when the only names either of them had were Jupiter and Neptune. Of course, he hadn’t known them well enough in the beginning to know. His father had wanted him to be separate from his Senshi, to be above them. It was R that really drew him out and introduced him to everyone.

He smiled as he looked up at the man. Some things really didn’t change.

“Maybe, but I still think I should be thanking you,” Enjolras said as he curled into Grantaire’s frame. “You don’t know how empty my life was until you came into it.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that,” he said warmly, wrapping his arms around him. “You _never_ have to thank me for that.”

#

His friends knowing about his alter ego made things both easier and worse.

It was easier because he no longer had to lie to them. Whenever there was a monster attack, they understood when he had to bail on whatever plans they had. When he had had a rough night of fighting, which was happening more often as the enemy seemed to get more desperate, Bahorel was waiting for him at home, usually with Grantaire and Jehan, to make sure he made it all the way to the bed.

He didn’t have to worry as much about school. All of his friends had begun pitching in to help him catch up and keep up in all his classes. Courfeyrac had even gone as far as to offer to do his homework for him, but that was a line he still wasn’t ready to cross.

But his friends knowing who he was, but not knowing who _they_ were, was eating him alive.

Not that they weren’t smart enough to realize that he knew something about them all that they themselves did not. It wasn’t surprising really. They all had shared a strange connection long before Enjolras came into their lives again. Suddenly he shows up and he’s Sailor Moon? It wasn’t too much of a leap to think that maybe the two were related.

And it didn’t make him feel any better that they all had, for lack of a better word, confronted him about it.

Cosette was, predictably, the first. The former Princess of Earth and wielder of the Golden Crystal had an uncanny way of just _knowing_ things. It wasn’t like Eponine and Feuilly’s gifts of spiritual sight, or Jehan and Grantaire’s supernatural intuitions, or even Gavroche’s frightening prophesies.

Cosette was able to look at things and _see_ them as they were.

So when she managed to corner him after school, Musichetta, Marius, and Bossuet at her back, he wasn’t surprised. He was almost expecting Princess Euphrasie and her guard to be the first to question him.

It was odd Combeferre wasn’t them, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized that the General Kunzite would definitely want to hang back to confront him alone.

“You’re hiding something from us,” Cosette had stated, no accusation in her calm voice and an expectant look in her eyes. Musichetta had matched her calm, unconsciously matching her princess’s mood. Marius had looked uncomfortable with the entire situation, while Bossuet looked at Enjolras with unbridled concern.

It had been extremely striking to Enjolras to realize that they weren’t _angry_.

“It’s better that you don’t know,” he had responded, deciding that that bit of truth was better than lying.

She had stared at him for a few moments before nodding. “You _will_ tell us when it’s necessary.”

And that had been that.

Courfeyrac had been next. Again, no surprises. Venus hadn’t been the leader of the Senshi for no reason. Of course, he had been a bit slyer about it than Cosette, or he had tried to be at least.

“I want you to be completely comfortable with telling us things, Enjolras,” Courfeyrac had said after insisting on treating him to a milkshake at the Musain.

“Courfeyrac,” he had tried to say, but the other man just plowed on.

“Because it is important that you realize that we _all_ are here for you.”

“Courfeyrac.”

“Especially Grantaire, but you know that, of course,” he had continued. “But we all love you and worry about you. We _want_ to help you, Enjolras.”

He had looked at him so imploringly that, for a moment, Enjolras couldn’t speak. If he had opened his mouth, he knew that he would have told Courfeyrac everything. This was _Courfeyrac_ , who had been his confidante when he was so torn about his feelings for Grantaire. Courfeyrac, who had let him unload all his shit on him with absolutely no complaint. Who had supported Enjolras in his decision to pursue Grantaire even when all the false memories of the past that had been planted in his brain had been telling him that it was a bad idea.

And here Courfeyrac was, asking, no, _begging_ for Enjolras to let him help, not knowing what that would really entail.

“I can’t let you help more than you already are,” Enjolras had said finally.

Courfeyrac had looked at him with narrow eyes. “But there are ways we could help more.”

“They aren’t worth the cost,” he had replied. Luckily, Valjean had hopped onto their table at that very moment, informing Enjolras that there was an attack going on.

He was distracted during the fight, of course. Not only by his conversation with Courfeyrac, but also by the longing look Valjean had given Courfeyrac before giving Enjolras the message.

He knew Valjean missed Venus. Just as Javert had awakened him as Sailor Moon, so had Valjean awakened Courfeyrac as Sailor Venus. They had been together for nearly a year before joining up with the other Senshi, distracting the Dark Kingdom for as long as possible to ensure that the others were ready.

Perhaps Courfeyrac would understand more than the others his reasons for keeping them from becoming Senshi again. Understand, but maybe not forgive.

After all, who could forgive someone who ripped away your identity from you?

Bahorel probably hadn’t even realized the guilt he was causing when he struck up conversation with Enjolras one rainy Saturday.

“Is there a reason you fight alone?” he had asked as they chopped vegetables for the stew he was making.

Enjolras froze. “What do you mean?”

“Well, there are news stories going back for a couple of years about Sailor Senshi, but up until a year ago, there were a lot more than just you, right?” Bahorel had explained. “I was just curious about what happened. Did they just leave you to fight by yourself?”

“It wasn’t their fault,” he had protested.

“Bullshit. They’re assholes for leaving you to face this shit alone, no matter what their reasons,” Bahorel had declared, unknowingly calling himself an asshole, which would have been funny if it didn’t cause Enjolras’s heart to ache.

“I made them leave,” he had insisted, not wanting Bahorel to think poorly of the other Senshi, no matter how weird it was to be partly defending Bahorel to Bahorel. “They’re much happier and safer now.”

“But are _you_?” Bahorel had asked, indignant on his behalf.

Enjolras had grinned at him. “I’m happier now than I have been in a while,” he had said, glad to be able to tell the truth..

Of course, once the fact that there _were_ other Senshi out there got out, his friends became convinced that he should get their help. Joly and Feuilly were the first to try to persuade him.

“It doesn’t make sense that you should fight these monsters alone,” Joly had reasoned, the former Sailor Mercury appealing to logic as usual.

“If there are other Senshi out there, surely it’s their destinies to fight as well?” Feuilly had asked in agreement, the steady gaze of Sailor Mars making Enjolras feel guilt churn in his gut.

“I’m giving them the chance to lead their lives without worrying about destiny!”  he had shot back, desperately wanting them to understand.

“Do they even know they’re Senshi?” Joly had asked with a furrowed brow.

“They would have no choice if they knew,” he had mumbled, not meeting either of their eyes.

“Enjolras,” Feuilly had said seriously, causing Enjolras to instinctively look at him. When the Senshi of Fire spoke, it was usually wise to listen to him. “Maybe there would be only one choice they could live with if they knew, but that would not make it any less of their choice. How would they feel if they knew you were fighting this war alone?”

The answer to that was easy. They would absolutely hate it. But he couldn’t tell them that, so he had remained silent.

Jehan, Eponine, and Gavroche were next.

“Why are you so against awakening the other Senshi?” Eponine had asked bluntly, glaring down at him. Sailor Pluto wasn’t one to beat around the bush. He had opened his mouth to argue that point, but she had shut him down quickly. “And don’t tell me you’re not, because if that were true, you wouldn’t be nearly dying every week because you try to take on the monsters alone.”

“I do _not_ nearly die every week,” he had said, definitely _not_ pouting.

“You’re deflecting,” Jehan had pointed out pleasantly.

“In the past,” he had said with a defeated sigh. “And I mean the far past, as in, thousands of years ago, my father forced them to fight for him. I don’t want to do the same thing.”

“That’s dumb,” Gavroche had said. Saturn, also, had always told it how it was. It was obviously a family trait. “Your father didn’t make them Senshi, just hijacked their powers. You’ve taken their powers away. Isn’t that worse?”

That had cut him deep. Was he worse than Meness?

In his heart of hearts, he realized he was. And he was terrified that he would lose everything he had regained if he awakened them.

They might help him beat these new mysterious enemies, but he was sure that as soon as the fighting was done, he’d be alone again.

And he didn’t think he could go back to that. He couldn’t lose his friends again. He couldn’t lose _Grantaire_ again.

If that didn’t make him a selfish asshole, he didn’t know what did.

Combeferre had tried to make him feel better, but his understanding was really worse than any accusation.

“I’m sure they’ll understand,” he had said. “I’m sure they love you just as much as you apparently love them. They’ll know you were just trying to protect them and give them a normal life. They’d only be upset about you putting yourself in danger.”

“Could you forgive someone for ripping away your memories?” Enjolras had asked, desperately wanting to know Combeferre’s answer.

“If they had a good reason.”

That was no use to Enjolras. His reasons were entirely selfish.

They may have begun noble, but could he really say that he was trying to keep them safe in their normal lives when he had already thrust his own dangerous life on them? At the moment, he just wanted to keep them in his life.

How selfish was that?

Grantaire had never confronted him directly about the other Senshi though. He didn’t have to. Every time he had to leave the artist to go fight, the fear and worry in Grantaire’s eyes was accusation enough.

“I’m sorry,” Enjolras had said finally, after yet another battle he had to leave Grantaire to go fight. “I know you worry when I have to fight. I’m sorry for putting you through that.”

“You don’t have to apologize for that,” Grantaire had replied, wrapping him in his arms and pulling him close. “You’re only doing what you have to do.”

“You’re not going to try and convince me to awaken the other Senshi?”

“Well, that would certainly make me worry a lot less,” he had admitted. “But I’d worry even if you had other people fighting with you. The only way I’d worry less was if I were there to protect you myself, but I’m sure I would only get in the way.”

He didn’t think Grantaire could have said anything that would have hurt him more. It was only fair, though. Enjolras was putting him through plenty of pain; he definitely deserved to receive some back.

He was sure all of his friends would have continued to pressure him into awakening the other Senshi, not realizing that _they_ were the Senshi in question. And they may have eventually succeeded. However, it ended up not mattering in the end.

#

It had happened without warning. No surprise there. Enjolras never really had warning when attacks would happen. Not anymore at least. Before Feuilly or Eponine might have seen an attack before it happened, or Jehan or Grantaire may have felt something coming, but Enjolras didn’t have those types of abilities.

In hindsight, though, he should’ve realized that a date at the park was a bad idea, even if the cherry blossoms were blooming. After all, a disproportionate number of attacks happened at the park.

As luck would have it, a monster appeared practically right behind Grantaire as he approached Enjolras with two cups of shaved ice.

“R!” he shouted in a panic, rushing forward to protect his boyfriend, knowing that he was too far away to reach him in time.

The reason for his terror must have been plainly evident on his face because Grantaire spun around, barely managing to avoid a direct blow from the monster’s tentacles. The monster did manage to land a glancing blow on him, however, causing him to land harshly on the ground.

“Moon Crystal Power, Make Up!” Enjolras cried, paying no heed to whether anyone could see him. He didn’t have time to dunk away to hide his transformation. Not with the monster poised to attack Grantaire again. Silver light burst from the ring on his finger, quickly transforming him into Sailor Moon.

He charged the monster, knowing he didn’t have time to power an attack with his staff and instead choosing to ram into the thing with as much strength as possible in order to get its focus off of Grantaire.

It worked, but that only made the thing focus even harder on _him_.

“Enjolras!” Grantaire cried out in alarm.

“Grantaire, ru—” he tried to say but was cut off as a tentacle snapped out to wrap around his neck. He barely managed to get a hand underneath the slimy appendage to keep it from crushing his trachea.

“ _ENJOLRAS_!” Grantaire shouted, terror in his voice now.

“R, run!” he managed to gasp out even as another tentacle wrapped around his chest, making it even harder to breathe. He was quickly losing his ability to stand, and it was with a start that he realized that part of the reason was that the monster was siphoning off his energy.

He hoped Grantaire had actually listened to him. He didn’t want the other man to see him die.

Of course, it was at that moment that Grantaire flung himself at the monster, landing a punch that the thing just laughed at before batting him away. He hit a nearby tree hard, causing Enjolras to cry out in concern.

His vision began to blur and he blinked away frustrated tears even as his legs gave out from under him. He hadn’t imagined dying like this. He thought if he were ever in a hopeless situation, he’d just draw upon the power of the Silver Crystal, taking whatever enemies around him out in a blaze of glory even as he himself died.

But he didn’t have the energy to call upon the crystal’s power. And he’d die knowing that this monster’s next victim was likely to be Grantaire.

Why did he have to let the other man into his life again? Hadn’t he already realized that all he ever did was cause pain?

“WORLD SHAKING!” the familiar attack words were roared.

Enjolras’s eyes widened as the ground beneath the tentacle monster’s feet trembled and a glare of yellow light erupted from underneath it, vaporizing it instantly.

He gasped as the grip holding him vanished and would have fallen to the ground if strong arms hadn’t caught him. The navy and yellow clad form of Sailor Uranus frowned down at him once his vision stopped swimming.

“Are you alright?” Uranus asked urgently, fear and concern mixing in his eyes.

Enjolras nodded, sitting up carefully and waiting for the other shoe to drop.

He didn’t expect to be pulled into a fierce hug.

“Shit, Enjolras, never do that to me again,” he whispered. “If I hadn’t remembered how to transform…”

“Wait,” he said, pulling away slightly with a puzzled frown. “You’re not mad?”

Grantaire smiled down at him before glancing around at the people slowly starting to investigate the scene now that the fighting had stopped. “Maybe we should discuss this somewhere else.”

#

He hadn’t realized that their discussion would be with _everyone_ , but Grantaire had brought them, still transformed, to the Hikawa Temple, where Feuilly took one look at Grantaire and shocked Enjolras by asking:

“Did he remove the block or did you break it yourself?”

“Wait,” Enjolras had said, looking between the two. “You _knew_.”

Grantaire had shrugged as Feuilly went to call the others. “We all knew. As soon as you let slip that the Senshi didn’t know who they were, it was pretty easy to connect the dots. None of us are upset,” he had assured. “Well, we are, but only because we care so much about you and hate the thought of you being hurt.”

“So do you remember everything now?”

Grantaire shook his head. “Only how to access my powers, but I’m hoping that’s enough to convince you to awaken us fully,” he had said.

Enjolras had said nothing, and had kept quiet even as all of their friends slowly trickled in.

“You’re going to hate me once I give you your memories back,” he said finally, as they all looked at him expectantly.

“Enjolras, have some faith in us,” Combeferre said. “Please.”

He looked around the room before nodding solemnly, calling forth the Silver Crystal. The crystal materialized in his hands in a gleam of silver, shining brightly with its own internal glow.

“Be careful, Apollo,” Grantaire cautioned, probably not even realizing why he was warning him or why he was calling him Apollo.

Enjolras smiled ruefully at him. “Don’t worry. This is the easy part.”

He turned his focus to the small crystal sphere floating between his hands. He thought very hard about what he wanted to do and let a small amount of his energy flow through the crystal. The soft silver light flared and flooded the entire room, causing everyone to gasp as their memories suddenly flowed through them.

The light receded, and silence overtook the room, with Enjolras loathe to break it.

Courfeyrac broke it first, giving a choked sob before launching himself at Combeferre. Cosette acted next, wrapping her tiny frame around Musichetta, who had been slowing trying to inch away. Eponine grasped Marius hand as tears flowed down his face and gave him an understanding smile, as Joly clung to Bossuet as if someone was about to take him away at any moment.

“How can you stand to be around me?” Musichetta whispered brokenly. “I destroyed the Silver Millenium. I tried to destroy Earth!”

“We _killed_ you,” Combeferre said in a dead sort of voice, looking down at Courfeyrac in horror.

Cosette shook her head furiously. “That wasn’t your fault.”

“Metalia brainwashed you,” Courfeyrac agreed. “Besides, this life is much better than the Silver Millenium from what little I remember of that time.”

“We tried to kill you in this life too,” Marius choked out, trying to tug his hand out of Eponine’s firm grip.

“Not you,” she said firmly. “Never you.”

“Blaming yourself just allows Metalia a victory,” Joly reasoned. “She’s won enough in the past.”

“She’s gone now, though, and can never hurt us again,” Courfeyrac said firmly before turning to Enjolras. “What I want to know, though, is what made you think it was a good idea to nearly get yourself killed instead of awakening us?”

Enjolras shrunk into himself and tried to avoid their glares. “I was only in real danger once or twice,” he mumbled.

“You were in danger every time you drew on the crystal’s power through the Moon Staff!” Bahorel argued.

“The crystal is not meant to be used so casually,” Joly pointed out.

“You could have died if you had drawn on too much power,” Feuilly said.

“You knew that though,” Jehan stated shrewdly.

“What was your plan, Enjolras?” Eponine asked with narrowed eyes.

Javert and Valjean looked at him with furious looks on their feline faces as they slowly connected all the conversations they had had with Enjolras during the time he was alone, realizing suddenly that he had _planned_ to die.

Grantaire wrapped an arm protectively around him. “It doesn’t matter,” he said in a deadly serious voice. “Because Enjolras knows that whatever he was planning is _completely_ unacceptable now and we will _not_ allow it. Right?”

With their combined glares on him, he could do nothing but nod in agreement. In his heart, though, he knew he would sacrifice himself in a heartbeat if it that was the only way to save everyone.

Because now that he had them back, well and truly back, he couldn’t lose any of them again.

#

“At least now I know why you would call me R when you had your guard down,” Grantaire said later when they were alone at his and Jehan’s apartment. The newly awakened Sailor Neptune had decided to spend the night getting reacquainted with his boyfriend.

“Guess I was really bad at keeping secrets from everyone,” he said ruefully, laying his head against Grantaire’s chest.

“Can’t say I’m really that sorry. What were you thinking?” Grantaire scolded. “You weren’t meant to be a Senshi! You were never meant to fight these battles! You don’t have those kinds of powers!”

Enjolras pulled away and glared at him. “I did alright on my own!” he shot back, offended at Grantaire’s bluntness, not matter how true his words were. “I have the power of the Moon and the Sun in me! That is power enough!”

“The power in that Moon Crystal will kill you one day, as sure as it did your father and grandmother!” Grantaire argued. “And the only thing you got from the Sun was an ability to heal quickly!”

“It kept me alive!”

“It made you careless!” Grantaire roared.

“Well if you think I’m so useless, why bother keeping me around?” he asked furiously, moving to get off the bed they were lying on.

Grantaire’s hand shot out to wrap around his gently. “Enjolras,” he said in a softer tone. “I’m sorry. You’re not useless. You know I don’t think that,” he said, sitting up as well and wrapping his arms around him once more. “Hell, none of us would have survived the battle against Metalia without you. I just… worry about you. Constantly. I love you so much. I _can’t_ lose you.”

Enjolras closed his eyes and leaned against Grantaire. “I love you too, Grantaire. When you didn’t remember me, it was like I wasn’t even living,” he confessed. “I was ready to sacrifice my life then because I didn’t really have much of one without you. And then you forced yourself into my life anyway and made everything so much harder.”

He chuckled ruefully. “I’d apologize, but I’m definitely not sorry for that. I am sorry for questioning your abilities as a Senshi though.”

Enjolras snorted. “Don’t be. I’m a horrible Senshi, but I can’t just _not_ fight. I love you, but please don’t ask that of me.”

“Never,” he said seriously. “But you have to promise me that you’ll always call us for back up.”

“Oh, you mean you’re planning on letting me out of your sight again?” Enjolras teased.

“Well, we do, unfortunately, go to different schools,” Grantaire pointed out. “But promise me?”

He nodded. “I promise.”

“Good,” he said before smirking. “On a different note, now that I know that our relationship has been going on for a few millennia and not a few weeks, does that mean it’s not too soon to ask you to move in with me?”

Enjolras laughed. “I’m not sure Jehan would appreciate that too much,” he pointed out.

“Well, Bahorel and I were thinking more of a swap,” Grantaire said lightly, a nervous glint in his eye that made Enjolras realize he was completely serious.

He gave the other man a soft smile. “I would love to move in with you, R.”

He received a dazzling grin in return. “Really?” he asked. When Enjolras nodded, he let out a whoop before standing up and spinning the smaller man around in joy. “My Apollo,” he said reverently as they came to a stop, brushing a strand of hair away from Enjolras’s face before leaning down and capturing his lips in a tender and passionate kiss.

It dawned on Enjolras that this was what true happiness felt like.

He should’ve known that the enemy would strike when they did. Things were going far too well.

#

Enjolras smiled as he toed off his shoes and threw his keys on the side table. It had taken him, Grantaire, Bahorel, and Jehan very little time to swap out Enjolras’s and Jehan’s belongings, though it admittedly had taken more time with Jehan’s things than Enjolras’s. The French student just had so much _stuff_.

When Grantaire had told that him, Jehan had merely shrugged and flicked his blond and teal curls over his shoulder. “Some people have enough taste to own more than a maximum of ten outfits.”

Enjolras had laughed at that, but had cringed when they were moving his stuff and realized he had even less than that. Jehan had pulled him into a hug immediately when he saw the meager contents of his closet.

Of course, when Grantaire had taken him shopping the next day and insisted on buy him new clothes, he had protested vehemently. But one look at Grantaire’s pout and he had relented.

Though he didn’t let Grantaire go overboard. After all, he wore his school uniform most of the time anyway. There was no use buying as many clothes as Grantaire had wanted to buy for him.

“Grantaire?” he called, walking further into the apartment. No one was there. He frowned before feeling stupid. Grantaire’s school started and ended half an hour after his. He sighed as he walked into their bedroom and took off his uniform, carefully folding it on a nearby chair, before throwing on a pair of ratty sweatpants and a threadbare tshirt.

He walked out the bedroom and froze as a form suddenly materialized in front of him.

It was a woman. He thought, at least. Her skin was an odd grey color. Her long hair was pale pink, which matched her glaring eyes, with two streaks of pale blue on either side of her forehead. She was wearing a deep red body suit with what looked like pink roots wrapping around her body.

He barely had time to gasp out her appearance before arms clamped around him from behind. He struggled against the body he was being held against, but the grip was too strong.

“Moon—” he began to call to transformation phrase in a fit of desperation.

“Ail, stop him!” the pink female yelled and a grey hand was slapped over his mouth from behind.

“Sorry, we can’t let you become Sailor Moon on us,” a deeper voice quipped from behind him. Obviously, the “Ail” the female had spoken to was a male. “Now, An, shall we take him to meet Makaiju?”

“Let’s,” An said with an evil smile and suddenly she and the room faded from view.

They materialized in a room that sent shivers down Enjolras’s spine. Well, room was probably the wrong term. It was more of a cavern. And in the middle, rooted in what looked like a massive chunk of dirt and rock, was a mammoth tree that was gnarled and sickly looking.

“Makaiju!” An shouted towards the tree. “We bring you this sacrifice!”

Enjolras barely had chance to register that _he_ was the sacrifice before he was shoved into the roots of the tree. He landed roughly on his back. He didn’t have a chance to do anything before roots were pinning him to the ground and he felt a sudden drain on his energy.

“You were right, An,” Ail said, looking up in amazement at the large tree before gazing at her. He looked similar to An, blue where she was pink, but given the way they were looking at each other, he assumed they weren’t related by blood. Though, incest might be common among their species.

“I usually am,” she said smugly. “His energy is _exactly_ what Makaiju needs. Look how she’s already blooming!”

With a start, Enjolras realized they were talking about the _tree_ , whose shriveled red pods were indeed blooming after being fed his energy.

It made sense, he thought foggily, already feeling the effects of the energy drain. The Sun’s healing energy was probably just the thing that would help a giant evil tree. It just happened to be extra concentrated in him.

“Drain him slowly,” Ail was telling the tree, caressing its bark. “Give him a chance to regain some of his energy so he’ll last longer.”

Horror welled within him. They were going to use him as a battery. Use him and reuse him until he was sucked dry.

“Let me go!” he pleaded. “You don’t have to do this.”

“The only other option is to die along with Makaiju,” An scoffed. “I don’t see how we have any other choice. Besides, your life for ours seems like a pretty good trade to me.”

Seemed like reasoning with them was out, Enjolras thought with a frown. He knew that even with his depleted energy, he could probably call up the power of the Silver Crystal and destroy them.

Problem was, there was no way he would survive that.

If he waited longer, though, he’d be too weak to inflict enough damage to stop them. What happened after he died and the tree began dying again? More people could die.

He could stop it here, let it end with him.

Grantaire would never forgive him.

None of his friends would.

He knew they’d look for him. And when they found him, they’d undoubtedly be able to take these two and their weird tree out.

He trusted that his friends would find him. He just had to hold on as long as possible, which meant _not_ sacrificing himself to kill these things.

#

He was drifting, and he knew that was bad. His vision swam in and out, and he was so weak that he couldn’t move even if the heavy roots weren’t pinning him down.

He didn’t know how long he’d been there. At some point, he had lost all sense of time. His captors were no help whatsoever. They spent most of their time out of his sight, perched in whatever little nest they had built high in the tree.

He was beginning to think that he wasn’t going to make it.

Killed by a tree, how pathetic was that?

He really was useless as a Senshi.

Tears leaked from his eyes as he felt himself becoming weaker. He was going to die here, he knew. He was going to die without seeing any of his friends again, without seeing _Grantaire_ again.

He had just got them all back. He had just gotten back his reason to keep living. He wasn’t ready to die.

He deserved it, though, after keeping the truth from everyone for so long. After actively planning to not survive the fight with this enemy, it really was poetic justice that he really wouldn’t survive despite his newfound desire to live.

 _I’m sorry, Grantaire_ , he thought as his vision slowly faded to black for what felt like the last time. _I love you_.

In his last milliseconds of consciousness, bright lights lit up the cavern, signaling the arrival of the Senshi and Shitennou.

He smiled as he closed his eyes. At least no one else would die at the hands of this enemy.

#

“Enjolras! Please wake up! Please…” Courfeyrac’s pleading voice was the first thing he heard.

“His energy levels seem to be rising,” Joly said in a forced calm voice. “Keep it up, Cosette.”

“Enjolras? Can you hear me?” Combeferre asked from somewhere to his left.

He wanted to answer him, but he couldn’t figure out _how_. Why couldn’t he speak?

 “Apollo,” a broken voice whispered from above him. “Please, open your eyes.”

He struggled harder to claw his way out of the darkness. He couldn’t disappoint that voice.

He cracked open his eyes a sliver, before hissing at the bright golden light around him.

 “Enjolras!” several voices cried in relief.

“Apollo,” Grantaire sobbed, clutching him tightly to him.

He opened his eyes more slowly and looked through the golden aura surrounding him to stare up at the man holding him. He let his gaze sweep around and saw all his friends surrounding him in his bedroom, looking at him with teary smiles.

He smiled weakly. “You came,” he rasped. “I knew you would.”

Courfeyrac huffed a laugh through his tears. “Sorry it took so long. Joly and Feuilly were up for two days straight scanning and scrying for you.”

“We almost didn’t make it,” Feuilly stated sadly.

“ _You_ almost didn’t make it,” Combeferre said faintly, looking at his best friend with frightened eyes.

“Thankfully, Cosette was able to replenish your energy with the Golden Crystal,” Jehan said.

Enjolras smiled at the small blonde girl leaning heavily against Musichetta as she continued to channel the energy of the crystal in her hands to Enjolras. “Thank you,” he said. “But I will be fine now.”

She nodded seriously before letting the crystal fade back into her body. “You don’t have to thank me,” she said, laying her head on her girlfriend’s shoulder. “Just never do that again.”

“I second that,” Grantaire said roughly, pain still swimming in his eyes.

Enjolras looked up at him and carefully raised a hand to cup his cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t,” he said, swallowing thickly and grabbing his hand. “Don’t apologize. It wasn’t your fault, and you held on for us. You survived trusting that we would come. That’s all we can ask of you.”

“Yeah,” Gavroche spoke up with a smirk. “Good to see you finally trusting us again.”

Enjolras furrowed his brow and looked around at them all. “I’ve always trusted you.”

“Not enough to let us help you before,” Eponine reminded.

“That wasn’t about trust,” he insisted, trying and failing to sit up.

“Easy, Apollo,” Grantaire muttered, steadying him.

“I _always_ trusted you. All of you,” he said seriously, giving the Musichetta and the other Shittenou an especially serious look. “I just… wanted you to be happy.”

“Silly man,” Courfeyrac said. “We could never be happy knowing you were risking your life.”

“Well, you really weren’t supposed to know that,” he quipped weakly, sagging against Grantaire.

They all frowned at him and Combeferre opened his mouth to speak, but Grantaire cut him off.

“Okay, we can argue about this some other time,” he stated firmly. “I think we should let Enjolras rest now.”

They nodded and all wished Enjolras some variant of “Get Well Soon,” before shuffling out of the room. Enjolras managed to snag Grantaire’s hand, though, before he left as well.

“Please stay,” he said softly.

Grantaire smiled down at him and settled back on the bed, wrapping him tightly in his arms once more.

“I thought I’d lost you,” he murmured, burying his face in Enjolras’s neck. “I _can’t_ lose you.”

“I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon,” Enjolras replied, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s now shaking shoulders. “And the enemy is gone, destroyed. So no more fighting, for a while at least.”

Grantaire shook his head. “There’s going to be another enemy. There always is.”

“As long as we’re together, we can beat it,” Enjolras said firmly.

Grantaire lifted his head and gave him a water smile before surging up and kissing him. “Together,” he whispered. “I like the sound of that.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> So I really love this AU even though it's probably better in my head than it is actually written out, haha. Let me know what you think! I will probably continue my other story in this AU if enough people would like to read it.


End file.
